Soup Nazi

After having spent more than a couple of days at this tilton school I have come to appreciate it a little bit more. All in all, its a pretty nice place...rooms are comfortable, facilities are great, meals on the other hand are a bit trying. The food actually isn't half bad but the wait staff is crazy. First off, when you arrive at the dinning hall (this is a high school remember) you stand in line to get your food. The woman behind the steam tray has not just one lazy eye but two lazy eyes which means that she is looking at you but never actually looking at you. They also seem to rotate their direction day to day, I think they might actually tell the time. Left eye is the hour hand and right is the minutes. If I could just get her to hold a big numbered circle around her head then i could test my theory. Anyways, after you get your food you can sit down at one of the many tables. At this point you find your utensils and a glass for a drink and a mug for coffee. The problem arises in that these place settings never correspond with a seat in any intelligible manner. Normally this kind of thing wouldn't phase me but with 150 people all sitting down to eat at once you need to rush to an empty table to establish your region of cutlery dominance and claim a coffee mug as your own. I feel like an epicurean conquistador every morning trying to stake out my territory. Once you have your necessary tools, you can obviously start eating but you would be foolish to stop eating at any point. Young wait staff (bus boys) hover around the dinning room like vultures waiting for the unsuspecting to put down their utensils so they can swoop in and take a half eaten plate of food away. God forbid you go up to get a drink the would probably take your food, put your chair up on the table and start turning the lights off. I'm not exaggerating here, one of them literally took a plate of food (well she tried to) from in front of me while I had a fork full of said food in my mouth. Apparently I was not eating efficiently enough for her liking and she was going to revoke my dinning privileges. If there is one thing that I do appreciate is that no one comes around to ask how the food is. It seems that every restaurant waiter in america wants to make sure my food is ok as if their entire self worth depended on my appraisal of someone else's cooking. I would like to institute a new system. They can bring the food out that I ordered. I will eat it and if its fine then they can bring a check and I will pay it without any further interaction than is absolutely necessary. If the food sucks, I will tell them and we can sort it out. Otherwise, leave me alone...and be a waiter...as in, wait until I ask for something. Well that feels better...off to dinner. Patrick OUT!