Sometimes I wonder

 

So I get into the lab this morning and my advisor (boss) comes in a bit after me all in a huff. An experimental bioreactor (fermentor) has not been functioning properly and she is going crazy. I ask what went wrong, assuming it was a leak of some sort or an equipment malfunction…she wispers, “I’m not sure but I think its sabotage.” To which I reply, “Are you friggin nuts…that is the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever heard.” Ok, so I didn’t say that but I was thinking it. I chose to be more tactful and reply, “Oh bother…thats bloody awful (in my best English accent).” Ok, so I didn’t really say that, or anything for that matter, in favor of looking at her in stunned silence trying to hide my aching disbelief. I’m not sure at what point in a scientists career they choose to disregard logic but apparently she has reached it. Furthermore, she said this has happened before…RIIIGGGHHTTT. My goodness, I hope I never reach that point. I mean seriously, we work in a fairly secure building (card access all around), who is going to come into a random lab and a random room and mess with a particular knob MULTIPLE TIMES? The answer…no one. Because no one cares about this bioreactor nor should they. The only lesson I learn from this is that when my experiments don’t work now, instead of blaming myself for lack of ingenuity or insight…its going to be sabotage by malicious lab gnomes. Little gremlins hiding my Pasteur pipets and spitting in all my beakers after I wash them. Perhaps santa’s elves are secretly coming in and switching my regular sodium acetate with folger’s potassium acetate chrystals to see if I notice.   I bet that’s it…I could have been in the running for a nobel prize right now if it weren’t for those little imps screwing things up all the time. Remember, “Its not paranoia if they really are out to get you.” Patrick OUT!!!