So I just got back from my fourth trip in a month with one more to come. All told, so far I have flown 14 legs, and landed at 9 different airports, flown in 6 different kinds of plane, and gone through customs 6 times. All told I have flown more than 25,700 miles. To put that in perspective...the circumfrence of the earth at the equater is a mere 24,901 miles, or if you prefer that is five round trip flights between new york and LA. To make matters worse...I have yet another flight coming up to tack on another 2,200 miles, bringing the grand total to a staggering 28000 miles over 6 weeks (averaging 600 miles/day). I think I have singlehandedly become the greatest contributor to global warming. At this point, i have just about memorized that preflight boarding announcement. "If you are seated in an exit row, please take out the safety card in the seat back pocket in front of you, if you do not feel you can complete the tasks outlined because you are in idiot or drunk...please give up your seat to someone who will appreciate the extra leg room." Also, the mark of a good airline is whether or not they give you the can. I'm not talking about the suction flush toilets here but actually the drinks. Some airlines, give you half a can in a cup full of ice and others leave the whole can. These little things really make the difference for me. I'm not one to drink on planes, and they have all but cut out snacks entirely, so the shining moment in the flight is the drink service (though I slept through the drink service on four of my last 6 flights). Pay $600 for a flight and they can't even leave the whole can. These are the same people who determined that you could save thousands by eliminating a single olive from airplane salads. Could they just tack on the additional $0.25 it costs for the other half of the soda and leave the can instead of leaving me feeling cheated and wondering who got the other half of MY SODA. Continuing with my rant, people who set of the metal detector. And then proceed to take pounds of metal out of their pockets and wonder why it went off. In Boston this past weekend, I watched a man set off the detector. He then took out two large sets of keys from his pocket...set it off again...took off his hugh stainless steel watch...set it off a third time and was wanded to discover a rodeo king sized belt buckle...what the hell is that about. In stead of a first class line there should be a quick test to determine if the concepts of a metal detector and airport security are confusing...if so, shuffle all those people elsewhere so they don't interfere with the people without metal plates in their head. Furthermore, the whole shoes thing. We've now gone 5 plus years with having to take our shoes off to get X-rayed. If you go to the airport wearing a set of boots that cover your calf and which require the aid of sherpas to help you put on, they should be taken away and for petes sake...don't stand in line trying to put them on. Swallow your pride and walk 10 feet barefoot then put them on. OK...I'm DONE. What day is it again? Where am I? When do I leave? Patrick OUT!!!
Posted 6/30/2008 02:09:00 PM