Registered Gift Offender

So my sisters (and my fathers) birthday was this past week. She is getting married in June and so for this birthday we had the benefit of a gift registry to figure out what she really wanted. There could really be nothing easier and it is a sure bet for a good gift. This got me thinking...why don't people have gift registries all the time. Its acceptable for weddings and perhaps for baby's and stuff like that so why not have a birthday registry. It really seems like the most pragmatic way to do business. I figure I should start a constantly updated registry that would be open to the world. Thus, anytime someone wanted to show their adoration, admiration, or appreciation...they could look at the registry and pick out the perfect gift or I guess to be more precise they would purchase the gift that I had already decided on as being the perfect gift. I'm really taking the time out of my own busy schedule to make it easier for other people to buy me things. That in and of itself is probably worth a gift here and there. Of course with any registry you run into that unavoidable problem of figuring out how much people want to spend. Of course there is always the big ticket item for that long lost billionaire third cousin twice removed that now wants to reconnect through material goodness (i'm still waiting on that one). For them I would probably have something like this

but I would have it in black...goes better with my eyes.
I also think it would be a neat opportunity to indulge and perhaps expose some of the more obscure desires (i'm not talking fetishes here...though that might be an option for some). More like the overwhelming desire to have three pounds of red, green and yellow skittles in 5:4:3 ratio thereby creating the most delicisous combination in every bite and also allowing for the easy creation of a gigantic right triangle with monochromatic sides (look it up). It would also serve to eliminate those gifts that I clearly dont want. Like . I mean seriously...naming a star after someone??? Who falls for this? Do they really believe there is a registry for star names and that for the rest of eternity scientists and school children will be remembering the name Nancy Joe Watson in the Upsilon prime nebula. I think not... Furthermore who buys that sort of thing...its almost like one of those, " a donation was made in your name to..." Except in this case it would read, " A donation was made in your name to a crack pot company of dubious repute for the fictitious naming of a star in an international registry which is only international because the money goes to an american and the call is taken by an underpaid worker in bangladesh...have a great day." To those people I say...forget about naming a star after me or anyone else...focus on visiting it yourself. Patrick OUT!!!

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